Today I took needed steps to approach an on going matter of the heart. Flesh continuously wet with this slow plunge deep into the cool rejuvenating waters of self love. I’m digging these lessons of unconditional love that are being presented to me. I am receptive, amped and honored to be nudged into the higher platform of learning. Pretty fabulous in my eyes, but I must be truthful, being that honesty is always rule numero uno. This journey can be a total emotional bitch to navigate. That comes with being stitched of the flesh and nerves while on the in a cycle of constant growth forward movement.
This lesson plan involves the closest person in my life. And they don’t get much closer, other than a mate or sibling. The scenario pecks around a deep and well calculated letter of healing completely wrapped in love and adoration. Sent from me to she with zero malice. This was not received or reacted to at all the way most would expect. But I guess that is the point of unconditional love. There are no expectations, no strings-this is not a contract. But I do have a choice to walk away with my dignity if desired.
My emotional ulcer is healing this has been a month long process with much reflection tears and pondering. For the most part my genuine goals have been centered around healing and a deeper understanding of family matters. I hoped for the best outcome possible for all involved, heart, head and spirt. The truth is I simply didn not want to accept the fact my Mama Rose did not supply yours truly with a desired response had hoped for. Yes, deep inside I had yearnings for a joyous mending, saturated-soothing the child within me and of course the child within her. Glitter, Rainbows, Party Streamers, Unicorns and Ice Cream Cake for everyone! Oh well, maybe next time (gentle giggle n smile)
Initially I experience heavy internal abrasions, my expectations where not met. MY love demands where not filled, MY ego demand left rejected (all conditional love). I adore YOU, I love YOU, and I’ll NEVER give up no matter what no expectations I love you no matter the outcome. (unconditional love). But I do respect myself, I do love myself and love you as well. My brothers, and extended family also, fractured living or not.
Of course the moment derailed me for 20 minutes or so. This is flesh and blood soul shredding shit I’m talking about. It has been a long time since I’ve chosen to face such truths and it has to be done this is part of living. I’m out of my cage I am free range fox. The fantastic news is I did not crumble into a rut for days, dribble into slumber or depression for weeks or even months. Worse yet I did not slam or snort into any behaviors destructive, passive or volcanic in nature.
I am amazed by the progress I see while embracing some of the largest unexpected moments in my adult living. I now address what once would be unbearable situations that would be swept into a denial pile. Now I am flipping it while giving myself ample space to revisit as needed, and know that I now have a voice and a choices. I no longer deny my true feelings or abuse others, this is something to be celebrated. My goal has always been to approach from a place of light, with empathy deep in the well of my heart, an open ear and a gentle tongue. Now with the additional layers of maintaining levels of self-respect, self-care, and self-love I am finally finding balance in my life……this is major progress…..this is living.
Love and Light Always
The Empowered Runt – lil Big R