For those of us who have experienced a life altering trauma. Know that there’s a scattered assortment of lingering indiscriminate aftereffects. They stalk us, down the dark highways of our nightmares. We never quite know how long they may lurk along side us. They dodge in out of the bustling traffic of our minds. Until we are capable of managing this relearning the gift of calm. We make friends the best we can with are demons. And we learned to watch out for our red flags and alarms. The real work is with ourselves, hopefully with an agreement to gently move forward. Our commitments requires time, patience, hope, love and support from others helps.
The complexities and severity of each individuals situation can vary immensely. For some a return to “self” never becomes a reality. Some supporters grow inpatient with the ups and downs and the time involved with our recovery. Naturally numb to the fact that set timelines do not exist. The healing process often is far more menacing than the initial inflicting event.
FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE
A gentle word of caution to friends, family, lovers and others, never under estimate the power of tongue. Be gentle, kind, compassionate and smart. Try to keep in mind the sensitivities of the one in recovery. Words are powerful, healing, uplifting, descriptive, triggering and unintentionally they may also be hurtful. At times words stumble and rumble out accidentally wrong. Be cautious, we all need to think before speak. We cannot retract our words once they have been released from our lips.
No matter the situation, I think most sensitive folks share a universal understanding. When a person has survived brutal event, when they have worked hard, and suffered long. When he or she is haunted by their experience for quite possibly the rest of their life. Please understand there is nothing more offensive than to be told “Stop using your trauma as an excuse.” or “How much longer until you get over this thing?” along with any other of insensitive slashing remarks. I understand there are people who refuse to heal or move forward. They may be addicted to the attention or afraid of getting better. There are many reasons why someone may be “stuck” this is a topic unto itself.
It is unfair to expect anyone to understand the full impact from any life staining events. Unless you have walked at least one deadly mile in our collective shoes. I do not mean to suggest you can not be sensitive or tremendously supportive. I think like anything it is just impossible to fully understand. Whatever the situation is in life I think this is just a fact.
I am however empathetic to those who try, get flustered, get angry then disown a family or friend or even divorce their spouse. I have empathy for the severe dismissive’s and those who are blatantly intentionally cruel. I get that most likely they are operating from a place of FEAR. Fear for any number of reasons, inability to cope fear of the unknown. Fear of their own past, Fear of not being able to do more. Replace FEAR with LOVE and watch the healing begin. Take it slow watch the healing grow.
Love and Light Always
The Empowered Runt-lil Big R