columbuspark, Video, wallpaper

Is a gratitude energy offering of thanks to all of those who have shown support throughout my journey. The outpouring over these last few weeks over my artistic adventures have been overwhelming-Thank You! Though the gunk, funk and the love since the end of July. I have attracted and been attracted to the perfect souls and situations. Some friends I have not seen in many years, new faces and now there is room in my expanding heart for new friends. A space that I have kept shut down without even knowing it for so very long.

My appreciations I offer symbolically, the best way I know how. With a stimulation eruption to both ear and eye. As I continue my exploratory play with motion-paper’s. Rooted in the unexpected ignored landscapes found along nearby expressways. These visuals capture the beauty I find on my morning strolls. I find life where some only see decay, vitality where at first one may sense the still, always within the dark I seek light.

This is my slosh of grit, greens, filth, and sun. A little bit of heaven, both natural and manufactured. A sliver of global glory just relaxing as if it where on holiday. Playing at the dunes or shore only here amongst the fumes and noise. Now toss in a Cerrone soundtrack (one of the royals of euro disco) and I have myself a perfect end of summer visual vacation.

Love and Light Always
The Empowered Runt – lil Big R

Music: Cerrone Music of Life 1978


columbuspark, Images, reflective

Field House Reflections

When someone would ask me thirty years ago, “what is it you would like to do with your life?” My mouth trembled for words, as if it had Parkinson’s of the tongue. If asked two years ago, I would have given a definitive and gleeful answer. Yet unsure and hesitant about the time frame and location. With a head over loaded with more concepts than I possibly could execute in this lifetime. That is without a full time staff to assist me and the residue of life events of past lingering. My mind body and spirit to cluttered and uncentered to focus on how to even begin to execute decisions. So I remained stumped and in a constant state of stuck.

If I where to ask my closest of friends for their perspective, they may chime in with an unintentional word of transparent support. But only I could trust my compass, only I could listen to my inner voice. Many decisions in life where tough along the way, to be honest I ignored them, I was not ready to think. The out come has been reflective I know that is ok. When broken one can only make broken decisions I understand that now.

Looking back now if I am to be fully honest with self are perfection. When I freely let go of all mind clutter and let the noise from within my heart settle, decisions come with ease. When I fall into complete trust with the “source,” my source. When I let go of ego I am at peace. My creativity and all choices that I make throughout the day, flows. And I know I am safe both during times of chaos and peace. This is where I find my voice my eyes and my hands to be guided by the universal divine. I still may fall into a pile of messed up shit from time to time, but I know I am cool. I just get back up it’s just part of lifes school.

Finally the day has come where I can say I am what I have visualized and dreamed these past few years. A man, who enjoys his life, his journey and at the age of 52 a paid artist. I am finally doing the unheard of, selling my works for what I deserve, for what they are worth. With love, dignity, integrity, effortlessly and of course guided from above and within.

Today, at least for today… I have so much joy and gratitude to be able to share this message. IT IS NEVER TO LATE, No matter what your journey has been. No matter what your story is or what it is becoming, IT IS NEVER TO LATE. Keep the faith and know that your life, your story and your words matter. The good, the bad and ugly are all equal in value. No matter how many times we hit the repeat cycle, it is ok! We are not suffering we are all learning, life is teaching us step what each individual needs to know. I always have toss in “I know it sounds like crap” but it is true. Keep your eyes and heart open and you will learn and be lighter.

I feel life is an illusion, one way of looking at this in a tangible manner is. Perspective, I can say that many of my or anyone else’s experiences in life have been really pretty crappy at times. If you learn nothing from them or do not grow from them I guess they have been crappy and nothing else. If you choose to learn something, if you choose to go deeper and find the message. You don’t have to get all mystical and shit just to find your own reward then you can say I had an AWESOME LEARNING EXPERIENCE. I choose to have an awesome learning experiences. I don not deny that thing stink but the outcome is what shifts and the perception, the stuff becomes the illusion. I know words and actions matter and perspective actions and words can change everything. For yourself, and the world around you, it happens every single day in a thousand different ways. If it happens for the bad it can happen for the good. Energy is energy so flip it! Yes it is just that easy.

Love and Light Always
The Empowered Runt-lil Big R


Images, Recovery, trauma


On Monday, July 27th 2015, I experienced my first and last methamphetamine drug overdose. The result of a dinner date gone wrong, or right depending on your perspective. This reflective snippet flows outward following a month of vibrant spiritual experiences. I suppose it is true, you have to die to see the light. I came close enough and now all feels right.

On July 23rd I put out a request, or as they say an intention, to the Universe-my God-my Source. A request to deliver a speed round of events (no pun intended) of life lessons. A sort of “lets get the show on the road” kind of thing. To finally wrap up this dragging chapter of trauma and addiction. The time had come to move on with living, teaching and enjoying this awesome life.

I seem to cycle on the magic number of three, I don’t know why I just do. Three days later, on July 27th the Universe delivered in full force. With a dinner date, admittedly somewhere within my subconscious I had some questions marks floating around it. In all sober truth I knew there was a possibility of a “slam bam” time (using drugs).

I fooled myself, after all this was a date with a prominent psychiatrist. A man well known and successful, what could possibly go wrong? We both where attracted to each other for being decent guys. Supposedly neither of us where “game players.” Just two real men who found each other “trustworthy” “refreshing” and all of that. Well enough of the denial fantasy talk-lol

Instead of Pork Chops and romance I had been left for dead. Soon to reside at the Weiss Memorial ICU for the next four days. And so my spiritual catapult began, as always I never regret any moment of my journey!

Certainly I had to wrap my head around knowing my mom at the age of 82 had to see her son for the first and only time in the ICU. Wired to life saving contraptions, heart leaping from chest muscles and mind literally being eaten away by chemicals. I was beyond completely freaked the fucked out on drugs-insanity.

We had not spoken since December, I can’t imagine a reunion much more dramatic or painful. Than to receive a call that your 52 year old child is possibly going to die from an overdose, please come immediately. Fortunately she really does not understand what meth is all about. Denial and lack of knowledge can be marvelous copping tools. Along with the calming effects of my loving younger brother supporting her on the scene.

This would be the one moment I wish I could alter out of everything. To erase a my mothers grievous moment of pain, fear and sorrow. Although if not for this relatively short exchange of pain.Our relationship that has been in constant strain would not have mended as it has. Years of generational scars have evaporated within in weeks. Funny how tragedy heals suddenly you realize how silly so many things are in life. And love is love and the rest really doesn’t matter.


The door to who I am opened and I surrendered, I let go. It felt so right to finally let it all out. 
The door remains open, now I know all that I ever need is already here. Lastly I understand the undiluted meaning of trust. I am free, I have let go of fear and I have let go of all assumed debts to my spiritual self.

From childhood to now, all illusions of suffering, self forgiveness, guilt, and judgment have been dissolved. My extensive list of self critiques has been released. My mass collection of “whatever’s” from others, the list of ancient artifacts gathered over the years. Have not been forgotten, its as if they never existed. Boom back to birth, I am free no worries. I take comfort in knowing I am ok designed exactly as I am, with all the talents and attributes that I have been given. Every worry, all bullshit, all self editing has been lifted.

In pure God Speed style, I have liberated my need for acceptance and rejection. Never had I a thing to prove, never a thing to loose. On occasion I had been told this, but how could it be true? Not until reconciled could I let go, now I have no restrictions and no rules, life is so fucking cool. My core is my compass as it always has been.

At last peace, calm and serenity comfort me, I now know I am abundantly safe. That I am loved, I am perfect just as I am, just as we all are. I let go of all anger and doubt, along with everything I have ever been taught. Embracing everything I intuitively known, returning to original intelligence and instincts the same I have had since before I could crawl. Isn’t life funny, really it just cracks me up sometimes-peace.

Love and Light Always
The Empowered Runt-lil Big R


Images, Tree's

Winter Wish

I have a little secret, and I’m sure I am not alone. Some love winter school closings and snowy toboggan rides. I find nothing cozy about being trapped inside. People all up tight and anxiety ridden, with skin itchy irritated and dry. Forget it brother-forget it sister cabin fever has taken me yet again on an exhaustive ride.

Bring on Ms Spring when the trees are all green and the flowers are in bloom. When children skip so happily and you don’t have to worry about black ice skids, slips or falls. I’ll wait for August, when the sun is out then I’ll take my trip to a city sandy strip. The beach in summer is my yearly retreat to relax and restore. Come November I best be ready for another 5 chill more.

My winter wish is simple, PLEASE END ALREADY!

Love and Light Always

The Empowered Runt – lil Big R

Images, Tree's

Clear Perspectives

Each day I awake, excited in delight.
Proud to attract, what I now attract.
Come mid afternoon as my spirit wonders.
I pause, and I sit with my inner distractions.
My eyes ease open,while I return to the present.
I am recharged with clear perspectives.
Washed fresh, thank you all the powers that be and me.
I’m no longer living wrapped in the dark.

Love and Light Always
The Empowered Runt – lil Big R